maintenance

(...meanwhile, the home garden flourishes)

Maintenance.

I had a session today - Voice Dialogue. It’s a while since I sat in the client chair. Such a privilege, to spend an hour really present  with myself, and with the undivided attention of  another therapist. But it’s also a much more vulnerable role: looking at my stuff instead of someone else’s. 

( A psychotherapist who hasn’t been in the client chair has no credibility, as far as I’m concerned. i.e. most psychologists. But don’t get me started on that...) 

I re-connected with some aspects of my Self I’ve been neglecting  - small child and fearless rebel teenager. It was work I’ve done before, nothing earth-shattering. But I felt lighter when I left there. Put back together. 

Back home, the window cleaners had left, and the windows and external walls were nice and clean. But all the crap they’d hosed off the walls - mudwasp nests, dead spiders etc. was all over the verandah. So I finished off the job, hosing and mopping, and a bit of pruning; and thinking about the Voice Dialogue session. 

I think it often happens that when we are raising our own children it’s easy to forget about  the childlike sides of ourselves. The bits of ourselves that are innocent/ playful/impulsive  tend not to get so much space because we have to be ‘together’ responsible  adults  for our kids. Or something like that. The other, nice side of parenting is that you can find yourself happily galloping around the backyard with a swarm of giggling toddlers, or jumping from behind a bush yelling 'boo!' Of course F is now much too old and too cool for that kind of nonsense. I need another excuse to be silly.

I’m sweeping the flagstones in the late afternoon sun and thinking about how F  is changing so fast right now. Like a boat sailing away from shore. Wanting to be with his peers, not his parents. Having secrets and embarrassments. His bedroom getting that adolescent boy smell. 

I’m thinking how if we were in a traditional tribal culture my parenting job would be almost finished - he would be off to the men’s camp very soon. 

Mop, mop, wipe, wipe. Swab the deck, rearrange the outdoor furniture. All rather satisfying. Nice afternoon light, a touch of autumn coolness at the end of the day. The aroma of D’s chicken curry wafting . Home maintenance can be so satisfying sometimes! And the Voice Dialogue session felt like ‘maintenance’ too, of the soul and  the sanity.